(I started working on this in the car on the drive to Calgary, to the wedding celebration. So there are a few things I was writing as they were happening)
Celebration Time
Today is Canada Day!! HAPPY CANADA DAY to all my Canadian peeps out there!!!
Today is also Josh and Amanda’s wedding day!!! Congratulations guys!! I am so happy for you!! May God bless your marriage and your life together. I’m a bit jealous you get to start it in California.
Before I knew something was wrong with me, Amanda asked me if I could at their wedding with Josh’s sisters. I was so honored and of course said yes. When we found out about the nodules, I had this urging to tell Amanda, I might not be able to sing. I didn’t want to have to cancel on them last minute. Thank God He allowed me to have that insight. I can definitely not sing.
An unexpected side effect
Which is something I am struggling with. I may never be able to sing again. That’s definitely been a hard truth to swallow. Singing has been a major part of my life. Living in Germany I was singing in church just about every week. If not in choir then with a group song and also solos. In recent years it’s definitely declined, but I still sang daily. Mostly in my car.
It’s definitely a coping mechanism for me for those very stressful days, which makes it even more difficult. By now, almost 2 weeks out of surgery, I can maybe get through half a chorus before my voice just simply gives out. I also don’t want to push it too far. Last thing I want is to potentially cause more permanent damage. If anyone is looking for something specific to pray for, this might be it. Either that my voice could return to pre – surgery, or I could learn to accept this new state of my voice.
Such a gift of understanding
But let’s get back to today. Josh, Amanda and their families have been so amazing about understanding my situation and not being able to give an answer as to if I would be able to make it to the wedding. Josh’s mom came by on Monday just to visit and bring some yummy food. She made sure I didn’t feel obligated to come but that I would be more than welcome to be at the wedding.
I had told her that on Saturday, when we went to the Emergency Room, I had told Jeff to cancel for me since I really didn’t think I would be able to make it. One of my goals before surgery was to be able to go to the wedding. She made sure to tell me even if I decided the day of the wedding I wanted to come, there would be a seat for me. So everyday since, I’ve been working towards being able to go.
First follow up
I went to my surgeons office this week because of my trip to the ER. He wasn’t 100% happy with how I’m moving yet and how stiff I seem. He told me to start physio therapy. That’s what I have done and my range of motion has improved quite a bit already. I am now able to lift my arms mostly all the way. My neck isn’t as stiff anymore either. I even managed to drive a couple of times yesterday. Towards the end of the day I wasn’t feeling well again at all though. My scar was tight and pulling, same with my muscles. I had an overall feeling of complete exhaustion. This morning I woke up feeling pretty good though. I even managed to do a little bit of laundry.
The 3 hour drive to Calgary wasn’t even half as bad as I thought it might be. With a big pillow behind my back and lots of leg space, we made it here without any problems and without major pain attacks.
(writing the next day)
Happy Wedding Day
It was an absolutely beautiful day for a wedding and an even more gorgeous bride and groom. The ceremony was outdoors in the Calgary zoo. The weather was amazing, it started with full blasting sunshine and then turned just the perfect shade of overcast. After the lovely couple said their vows it was time for some pictures with everyone. Weddings are so great to bring people together you may not have seen in a very long time, and that just has to be captured on camera.
If you have read my blog entitled ‘What now?‘, you will know, that I told Jeff I needed a new dress for the wedding almost immediately after Dr. S. told me the day of the surgery. So that’s what I did, I got a new dress. I wanted to get a dress that would cover up my scar. It was my first time really out in public where I knew a lot of people and I just felt like that might have be the safest options.
Before surgery I wasn’t sure how I would feel about my scar, so I figured I would just cover up. Also, I know some people might not like looking at a scar especially one that fresh and I definitely didn’t want to offend anyone by it. One lady came up to me during the wedding and just wanted me to know how proud I really should be. I have been calling the scar ‘my battle scar’ but she pointed out to me that it’s also a visual testimony to what God has done in my life so far. I am so thankful that she said that to me. Never had I thought of it in that sense and it makes me appreciate this visual cue so much more. So, you know who you are, Thank you so very much!!
A different kind of wedding guest
Anyways I got this new dress that incorporated a turtleneck and with all the neck twisting and turning to see the bridal party and the bride come down the aisle, my scar was definitely not happy and pulling quite a bit. The lotion I got to apply to it daily is a large bottle so I obviously didn’t bring it to the wedding, my only option was asking people if they had some. Once I found some I also had to ask someone to partially unzip my dress so that I could even get to my scar and apply some lotion. It’s amazing to me what a little bit of lotion can do and how fast. The pulling was gone almost immediately. That meant nothing else holding us back to go take some photos.
Over the course of the night I had so many people come up to me and tell me how happy they were to see me. It was very encouraging to hear how many people who I didn’t even know are praying for me and have been doing so for a while.
Not quite party ready
I realized yesterday that it has been one month yesterday that I got the diagnosis. It is crazy to think how much has happened in just one month. Around cocktail hour I was feeling very poorly. My back was absolutely killing me. I couldn’t even stand up straight. Some people actually commented how stiff I looked while I was walking around.
I had taken some Advil during the ceremony and found some Tylenol in the bathroom, but it wasn’t really working. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through the evening at all. My parents, especially my mom offered multiple times to take me back to the hotel so I could lay down. I really wanted to stay, so my Dad left the party to get me some muscle relaxants. Jeff was also very worried about me but couldn’t help me much since he was in the bridal party.
By the time my Dad came back the Tylenol had finally kicked in slightly but the pain was still almost unbearable. I started off with just one pill since they tend to make me a little loopy, but shortly after needed to take a second one. Half way through dinner I texted my mom to meet me outside so she could do some stretches with me and hopefully make the pain less severe. All of that combined together with some prayer definitely did the trick and I started feeling better and better than I had all day.
Pain medication to the rescue
The wedding was absolutely amazing, and I know I am biased but Jeff’s speech was definitely one of the best of the night. I was able to many friends I don’t get to see very often and just have a great time. We even got a few minutes with the couple. Since they’re going to be moving to California (well Josh is already there), we don’t get to spend a lot of time with them so that was very great to have a little while with them.
I was able to stay for the entire wedding and was one of the last people to leave the Zoo. I was even able to go to the gift opening/watching the Germany game at Amanda’s parents house today (the day after). Plus we did the drive back home without feeling too bad. Towards the end of the drive, my back was definitely starting to bug me again though.
Now sitting on the couch finishing this blog entry, I’ve taken a few more muscle relaxants and had Jeff stretch me out. I am still feeling pretty good. The last couple of days have been some of the best for my recovery. My neck and arms are moving so much more freely and I feel much more comfortable with the whole situation.
I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who is praying for me and thinking of me. Thank you to Josh and Amanda and their parents for making it so easy and possible to make it to the wedding. It really was a great weekend and has helped me heal in ways that I didn’t know I needed healing. So thank you to everyone and please if it isn’t too much to ask, I would appreciate it if you could continue to pray for me.
Some more fun pictures from this weekend from the Photo Booth 🙂
